My Very First Blog!!!

12.9.04

Hello, everyone. This is my very first entry in my oh-so-sophisticated interweb "Blog!" So many lesser creatures -- i.e. Moby, Avril Levigne -- seem to dabble in this arena, I thought I should get my well-manicured feet wet and see what's all the hub-bub, bub. I'm not sure how often I'll write or what I'll write about, but be sure to check back often, as what I have to say will invariably be interesting!

Par exemple (that's French for "for example"), I've been thinking a lot about the Batemans. No, not Sean and Patrick Bateman of the silly Brett Easton Ellis novels "American Psycho" and "Rules of Attraction," but our favorite stars of the 1980's, brother-sister-double-trouble Justine and Jason Bateman! Just check out a photo of this precious pair...

Couldn't you eat them for dinner?

Unfortunately, the happiness of this image conceals the darker underbelly of the Bateman Hollywood dream. Though she grits her teeth in an empty exercise of joy, we know Justine is both bulimic and anorexic in this photo. Only the realization that her career is in the toilet and her subsequent discovery of Christ will save her from misery in the 1990s.

Jason, on the other hand, seems is doing well these days. His new show, Fox's "Arrested Development," is ratings loser, but a critical success and an Emmy winner. At 35, he's looking as good as ever...too good, in fact. Jason's problem is that he sets everyone's gaydar a-ting-ting-tingaling-too. Perhaps it was it his choice to play a homosexual character in a failed sitcom a few years ago. Either way, switch-hitters are faced with a difficult question -- which one of the Batemans would you prefer not to kick out of bed in the morning?

I will be weighing in on these important themes of body image and sibling rivalry as reflected by the "Bateman dilemma" in an upcoming song. The chorus? "Baby I would fuck you/if your brother wasn't looking so good!"